What is a memorial service?

What a memorial service is

A memorial service is a gathering to remember and honor someone who has died, held without the body present. There may be an urn with the ashes, a framed photo, or simply flowers and a few personal items.

People gather to share stories, listen to music, pray or reflect, and comfort the family. It serves the same purpose as a funeral. It gives everyone a chance to say goodbye and to support one another.

Memorial services have become very common, partly because more families choose cremation and partly because families are spread across the country and need time to travel.

How it differs from a funeral

The main difference is whether the body is there. A funeral usually takes place with the casket present, often within a week or so of the death, and is often followed by burial. A memorial service does not include the body.

• Timing. A funeral happens soon after death. A memorial can be held whenever the family is ready.
• Place. Funerals are often at a funeral home or place of worship. Memorials can be almost anywhere.
• Tone. Funerals often follow a set religious or traditional order. Memorials are often more personal and flexible.
• Cost. A memorial can be simple and inexpensive, especially when held at home or in a free public space.

A family can also have both. For example, a small private burial soon after death, then a larger memorial later for friends and coworkers. You may also hear the term celebration of life, which is a memorial service with a more upbeat, personal feel.

When and where to hold it

Because there is no body to prepare or bury, there is no rush. Many families hold a memorial within a few weeks. Others wait for a birthday, an anniversary or a time of year when relatives can travel more easily.

Choose a place that feels right and is easy to reach. Common options include a place of worship, a funeral home chapel, a community hall, a club the person belonged to, a restaurant with a private room, a park or a family home. If you choose a public park or beach, check whether you need a permit.

Think about the likely number of guests, parking, access for older relatives and wheelchairs, and a backup plan if the event is outdoors.

Planning a memorial, step by step

A memorial can be as simple or as detailed as you like. These steps cover the basics.

• Pick a date and a place, and confirm the booking.
• Decide who will lead the service. This could be clergy, a celebrant, a funeral director or a family member.
• Choose a few speakers and ask them to keep their words short.
• Select readings, prayers or poems, and two or three pieces of music.
• Gather photos for a display board or a slideshow.
• Arrange food and drinks if people will stay afterward.
• Decide whether to ask for flowers or for donations to a charity.
• Prepare a simple printed program or a guest book.

A funeral home can help with any part of this, even if the cremation or burial has already taken place.

A simple order of service

There is no fixed order, but many memorials follow a pattern like this. It usually lasts somewhere between thirty minutes and an hour.

• A welcome from the person leading the service.
• A reading, prayer or piece of music.
• A eulogy or life story from a close family member or friend.
• Short memories shared by two or three others.
• A moment of silence, a song or a slideshow.
• Closing words and thanks to everyone for coming.

Some families leave a few minutes for anyone who wishes to stand and share a memory. If you do this, the leader can gently keep time so the service does not run too long.

Letting people know

The obituary is the most common way to share memorial details. Include the date, time, place and any wishes about flowers or donations. If the date is not set yet, you can write that a memorial will be held at a later time, then share details once they are fixed. Our guide on how to write an obituary can help.

Phone calls, emails, a family group chat and social media posts reach people quickly. Ask a few friends to pass the news along to groups the person belonged to, such as a church, a club or a former workplace.

Some memorials are also streamed online for relatives who cannot travel. If you plan to do this, test the connection beforehand and share the link along with the other details.