How to write an obituary: make one step by step

Before you start

Writing an obituary often falls to someone who is tired and grieving, with little time. It helps to know that an obituary does not need to be long or perfect. Its main job is to share the news, honor the person and tell people how to take part in the service.

Talk with close family before you begin. Agree on who has the final say, how much personal detail to include and whether there are any family matters to handle with care. It is much easier to settle these questions early than after a draft is written.

Also ask the funeral home how the obituary will be used. They usually post it on their website and can send it to newspapers. Newspapers often charge by length, while funeral home pages usually do not, so you may end up with a longer online version and a shorter print one.

Step 1: Gather the facts

Collect the details in one place before you write a single sentence:

• Full name, including any nickname or maiden name.
• Age, date and place of birth, and date and place of death.
• Parents, spouse, children, grandchildren and siblings, with correct spellings.
• Schooling, military service, work and community roles.
• Hobbies, faith, favorite places and the small things people loved about them.
• Service times and places, and any request for donations in place of flowers.

Old documents, family members and even photos can fill in gaps. Our guide on what to include in an obituary goes deeper on each item and what you can safely leave out.

Step 2: Write the opening

The first sentence carries the news. Readers often skim, so put the key facts right up front: the full name, age, hometown and date of death. For example, Helen Marie Novak, 84, of Green Bay, passed away peacefully on September 12, surrounded by her family.

You can choose the words that feel right to your family. Some prefer died, some prefer passed away or went home to be with the Lord. There is no wrong choice. Mentioning the cause of death is optional, and many families leave it out.

Step 3: Tell the story of a life

This is the heart of the obituary. Move through the person’s life in rough order, from where they grew up to the work and people that filled their years. You do not need to list everything. Two or three details that sound just like them will say more than a long list of jobs.

Write the way you would talk about them to a friend. A line about the garden they tended, the jokes they told or the way they welcomed everyone to the table helps readers picture the person. Keep sentences short and clear.

If you feel stuck, try answering a few simple questions. What would friends remember first? What were they proud of? What will the family miss most?

Step 4: Family and service details

Next, list the family. The usual pattern is to name those who survive the person first, then those who died before them. Close family comes first, followed by grandchildren, siblings and others. Include spouses’ names in parentheses if that is the local custom.

Then give the service details clearly: the date, time and place of any visitation, the funeral or memorial and the burial. If the service is private, say so. If you would like donations to a charity in place of flowers, name the charity.

Close with a short thank you if you wish, perhaps to caregivers or a hospice team, and a note about where people can share memories online.

Step 5: Review and publish

Read the draft out loud. It is the easiest way to catch clumsy sentences. Then ask one or two people to check every name, date and place. Misspelled names of family members are the most common and most painful mistake.

Choose a clear, recent photo if the funeral home or newspaper allows one. Then send the final version to the funeral home. If you are placing it in a newspaper yourself, our guide on submitting an obituary to a newspaper explains deadlines and proofs.

If you would like a starting point, obituary templates and examples has fill-in formats you can adapt.